Im all out of options

im all out of options. engineering school makes my suicidal thoughts worse. theres nothing im passionate about anymore. if I keep working at my current job everyone i know will be disappointed in me. if I even graduate, I know ill hate my job because im so fucking stupid. nothing interests me anymore. everyone expects me to become an engineer, and I know people are gonna realize how much of a fraud and how stupid I am if I drop out or switch majors.

I have no one to talk to. no one knows how much I hate my life. I cant talk to my parents. they'll freak out and send me to a mental hospital, and that'll only make me feel worse (i know myself, i know the conditions I would be put through wouldnt help me one bit). I cant talk to my doctor. if I keep going, I wanted to learn to fly planes (for just myself), and having any kind of mental health issues on my record will prevent me from ever achieving that. I would never ever put others in danger, but that doesn't matter to the FAA. I cant talk to my friends, they have plenty going on and are busy enough with their own problems.

I dont know. I feel so hopeless. all I think about all day is how much I want to die. i'll never contribute anything to this world. all I am is a moron and burden.

I know no matter what I do I'll be miserable, so what's the point in continuing? its not like I have an option that'll make me happy one day. im too much of a coward to end it right now though, even though i wish I could.

I know a lot of this probably didnt make sense. I was just kinda rambling i guess. i know I dont have it nearly as bad as other people, but I cant stop thinking about wanting to die every waking second. I really shouldn't be talking.