i’m going to have an abortion

I am 19 years old I’m studying to be a teacher, my boyfriend doesn’t even know what he wants to do with his life and works an unhappy job already. This would seriously fuck us over a baby would change our lives for the worst, we could do it, he makes enough money and his parents would be amazing support. But we would be unhappy.

But sometimes I close my eyes and think of what could be, I’ve always wanted a baby. A baby that could just be mine and call me their mummy, a baby that I would feed and love and they would look at me with those eyes and all my worries would go away. It’s been a fantasy of mine to just keep it. My boyfriend says it’s my choice, that whatever I want to do he’ll help me. Be there every step of the way. But by doing that I would ruin his life. Sometimes I think about just not telling him, just ghosting him and raising it all alone.

But as much as I love this idea as much as I know how much I would love this baby. Love isn’t enough. And I love my boyfriend too much to do that to him. So I’m getting the abortion, staying happy and in bliss with my boyfriend. I’ll put this here so someone out there knows how much I would want this baby.

But I am putting my future first and I don’t know if that’s selfish or selfless. Goodbye my baby, it was never meant to be. You were too good for this world and maybe I’ll have you some other time, when I’m ready.