*   I have enough people who need me, a good number of friends and people to support in real life, people I need to and want to take care of, yet I still feel alone. Why do I crave more to hold, to carry, to be there, to want. I dont feel strongly to anything really, and I know I have a sensitivity to death and sh; yet I still stay on this sub, for some reason I can't bring myself to leave. I know this place probably not the best for my mental health but when I think I might want to leave, I feel, I dont know, guilt, obligation? It's my 2-month summer break for school, Im 16, I should be worrying about studying for my ap classes or something, not whether someone I met on the internet is on the brink of ending it again, regardless of how dear that person has become to me. Yet, I still crave that same feeling, that connection to another human being, a desire to be needed. I keep distressing myself worrying about vulnerable people online far out of my ability to help, who probably won't see or care about what I think or say, since it usually won't ever be enough to even make them feel slightly better about their situation, especially since it tends to manifest as questions. The only time ive reached out Via dm it only worked, like once. 
*   For context, I only joined this subreddit after I began recovering from an extremely draining, suicide inducing depression, and needed a place to vent, and through sheer luck this sub appeared on my feed. I lurked for a while and then when I thought my mental health was in a better spot I began to post on this account, trying to connect with other people, figuring that if Im improving now, then I might be able to guide other people a bit. I also only really use this sub because, to be honest it's the only thing keeping me on this god-forsaken website. 
*   I know I can Just leave this place and reddit as a whole, yet I still want to stay, it feels wrong to leave a and I dont know why. I don't know why the only time I felt a desire to connect is when Im trying to sooth someone on the internet I dont even know, with surface level platitudes om the value of life and their values, despite knowing their situation is far out my control, even then, dreading the end of that situation going bad, worrying over a person I dont know and can't really control..
* In spite of the fear, the worrying, I still stay due to the hope that I can be someone to some people here, someone who's presence in their lives makes it better, and that might make sense If I was someone genuinely alone irl, but Im not, I have people that need me and care about me and vice versa, why is it never enough. Why do I still feel alone, am I an attention whore? Am I not as close to those closest to me as I think I am? Why am I so hungry for connection, to be something to someone, I dont understand. 

Is it greed, loneliness, or maybe even both.