What do i do?

Hi everyone! New to the community as i was scrolling for advice here or to see if anyones going through the same thing but i couldn’t find a story that was exactly like mine (ofc) so i decided to share mine to get more specific advice.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and we’ve had the conversations that we both definitely want to get married to each other and for sure want to build a future together…. but hes not really making any moves towards it.

I love him so deeply and want to get our future started, but he doesn’t seem so interested, or interested at all, despite what he says when i ask.

I’m the only one bringing it up, talking about it casually, making pinterest boards, saying how excited I am etc. It made me feel kind of sad that he only ever touches on it when i bring it up, and i noticed that he never talks much. It’s more of a brush off, yeah sure, shut up type response. I brought it up in conversation with him, that it makes me feel like he doesn’t really want it as much and it hurts that hes not as passionate or as eager as i am, and he said his apology and that he definitely is wanting it and he’ll work on expressing it better. That was 3 conversations ago. Ive brought it up multiple times over many months and still nothing on his end. I’m sending rings and potential dress ideas, when we go to our friends weddings i’m talking about how exciting it’ll be when our day comes, just expressing how excited and eager i am for our future to start. And still, after many hints and sit down conversations, no interest from him.

I know at face value it’s obvious, “get the message, he doesnt want to marry you.” but in these conversations he really stresses that he does want it and he just wishes i trusted he does and i be patient. Yet ive been patient. its not like i want a proposal or a wedding tomorrow, i just want to know hes at least thinking about it sometimes. And ive said that. So. Many. Times. that I want HIM to bring it up and talk to his friends about it the way his friends talk to us about their plans. I want engaging conversation when i bring it up, or a discussion about it, not just a one sided yap from me.

I ask sometimes whats the holdup and he says financials and life stress clouds over him thinking about it, which stings because, i as well have life stress and financial setbacks, but it doesn’t take away from my want to start our future together. I would think if he was as excited as he states, he would talk about it more and not let anything stop him from at least thinking about it.

I completely understand wanting to be stable and not paycheque to paycheque before settling down. But i explained that partnership is building something together, facing struggles together and holding each-others hand through it. And how with a second income (mine) in the mix, financial situations will become much less stressful. I have no debt, a cheap phone plan and some luckily inexpensive car insurance, thats it. When i explain this, he understands, and i ask again whats holding him back, or if theres anything else, and he really has nothing to say.

Its difficult seeing all of our friends and family members settling down and starting their futures when i have my partner saying he wants to but hes grasping at any possible straw not to. It’s got to the point where i am watching engagement videos and tearing up not out of warmth but out of jealousy and envy. I’m starting to find it difficult to be extremely excited for our friends that are engaged and wed.

With that being said, i’m not materialistic AT ALL. My dream ring is sent him is a $72 etsy ring. The dress i already have picked out is $150. And we could be wed in a coffee shop with a barista as our officiant for all i care. Its so much less about the actual wedding and act thereof, and more about wanting to be desired by him. I want him to express the same excitement and passion, and for him to be unable to wait another minute to spend the rest of his life with me. (and he is extremely loving dont get me wrong) but there is NO desire from him in this aspect, and from all the conversations, he has yet to give a real reason why. he just says he’s in no rush. which is another huge sting.

I’m not one to give an ultimatum or a timeline, but this has made me feel extremely unwanted and way to invested in something that my partner isnt even close to equal on. Its made me question how strong we actually are and if this is a realistic thing that’ll ever happen. I can’t wait forever, specially for at least some interest on his end. I cry constantly and i have NO idea what to do. I wish i could get up and say “i deserve someone who is sure about me” but he gives me just enough when i ask, just enough to string me along and lead me on. keeping me waiting for a very unsure future.

very confused, very stuck, and VERY vulnerable, so please be kind in advice! thank you for reading!

Edit: “please be KIND in advice.” some people are taking my interest in advice as an opening for snarky comments and passive aggressive responses. i didn’t come here for anything other than good intentions and help from people who have experienced similar things. i am open and thankful to all advice but please do so kindly as if a friend were confiding in you.