How do I overcome my fear of weight loss

I know the title seems odd.

I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic as a 5’1 female in my early 20’s. I went from 130 pounds to 170 pounds. I am visibly overweight but still have a hourglass figure with muscle definition especially in my leg and arms. I was also in a toxic relationship during my weight gain. My ex would make comment in my body, suggesting I lose weight to ‘earn’ his love. This made me resent him and kill all ideas of losing weight and remaining overweight because I actually hated him. I have also met guys who have treated me differently within my friend groups because I am not as thin as some of my friends. It made me feel so unattractive. They would say I have a good personality and I look good but they would rather be friends. Even tho I can tell they visibly eye me. I am a conventionally pretty girl. I get compliments about my face all the time. Even tho my ex isn’t in my life now and I haven’t tried to date after him and when I do, the rejection happens most times. I never wanted felt motivated to try to lose weight because I feel like once i shed all this weight, I will attract the wrong type of men who only like me for my body like my ex. Back in spring of 2023, I decided to start my weight loss journey and lost about 15 pounds in 7 weeks and I noticed men treated me differently but the moment I purposely stopped trying and gained every back, the attention decreased. I feel comfortable with the idea that, I’m not attracting the wrong men being overweight but i feel like im missing out on a lot of opportunities in my life remaining like this. I don’t want to feel like i have to lose weight to be loved and accepted. My mentality about this feels so original sometimes because this is the first time I’m speaking about it. How do I overcome the fear of losing weight and gain reason and confidence to lose weight again without my past scaring me into stopping?

Please don’t judge me. I genuinely need someone to advice me. 🙏