I hate everyone and everything

I just want my love back. I hate my pointless life now - and I hate that I feel this way. I was raised in a household where feeling sorry for yourself was perceived as useless and weak and something that whiners and quitters do. That's what lazy, ineffective people do who take and don't contribute, who are entitled to things that in reality they are not, and are overall less worthy than those who are strong and buck-up, get over it and move forward. My parents, my brother and I are estranged as a result of their inability to accept their wrongdoing with respect to the treatment of some of my property while my partner was sick. After 35 years of meeting the conditions for their love and support I am done. I have struggled with mental health, fell down and overcome again, and again, and gotten back up over and over to please other people - namely my family. For the first time it felt like life was worth living and now once again I am left looking down the track, not seeing any enjoyment, and wishing that I could die too. This isn't getting easier, it is getting worse as the reality continues to sink in that he is gone and I don't want to do this anymore.