So today I have to make a choice.

I already told my Dr. I'm trans. And while we haven't discussed therapy yet, that should happen in approximately 8 hrs.

I don't know what to do.

It's been so long at this point (I'm well over 50) that I wonder what's even the point.

And also I still have so many unresolved childhood trauma that will certainly not be solved in any way with transition, and honestly I think it's far more important, but also I don't see how that could ever be resolved (I'm unable to trust people, not in the way required for real relationships).

I don't know what to do.

It's 5am and I haven't slept at all, and I doubt I will.

And I'm just getting so depressed about it all.