I hate I exist.

Hello. I am an adult. Or I have newly become an adult. I just want to admit, I hate my existence. I never thought I would put it here but here I am. I tried a lot of stuff in the recent days tried to put my mind off these things but no. I am being dragged into it. I remember the last time I was happy was 3 years back. The people I live with can't see me happy. Whenever I smile they lose it. I was preparing for an exam since the last the last 3 years. I gave my everything, gave the exams twice but not enough to make it to the place. I was fine with it. I am still fine with it. But my parents aren't. They just don't get it. I gave another exam. I scored enough to go to the desired place. Even they were okay with it. But when the final results happened. My ranks aren't enough. I gave another. Couldn't make it. Not enough. Another one. I have hope on it. My only hope. My parents. They still don't get it. I am done. I want to move on. I don't want to get stuck. Is it wrong I got over it and am ready to move forward? Is it wrong that I am not crying over split milk? They are like we gave you good food, home and everything. A damn golden cage. All they do is blame me for something I didn't do. I worked hard. Gave my everything but still they don't get it. All they do is blame. My mom said she understands me but she told that I have to face this everyday because I didn't make it. Idk what part of them doesn't understand it. My father. He is literally assassinating my character. He called me every name in front of mom. He said I didn't do it knowingly because I wanted to be like the slt and whr* my friends are. All I want is liberty. Freedom to do my will. And that translates to all the indignities he thinks of me. I don't want to waste my years on that one thing. I want to move on because I think life is bigger than this. I am a A+ student. And that's why they all have been behind me why I couldn't do this one thing. If something happens, situation changes. Is it my fault? From the moment I was born my mom had faced issues because of me. Why did she even give birth to me? Why was I even born in this family? I am tired. I want to get out of this loop. I am good at writing. I won a couple of prizes in school. That's the only talent I have besides studying. But for my father it doesn't mean anything. They wanted a obedient daughter someone who always listens to them, isn't stubborn. A perfect child. I tried being each of them until this happened. And now when I want to move on I am being a whr. I want to explore more, don't want to be the frog in the well. I know there's so much to life and I want to learn it. But they are still stuck. All the blame and everything. I just can't take it anymore. I want to explore my talents, see if I have one. Even I did. I felt better. I wrote a chapter after 5 years. But I can't take it anymore. It's my saturation point. I don't know what's happening with me. Everything I do, doesn't make it. I have been a problem from the very moment I came into existence. I just don't get it why my father hates me. There's no emotional bond between us. I mean which father calls her daughter names just because something didn't go his way. But I can't even die. I have to fight it. These mental breakdowns every other day I am sick of it. My mom said she would help me. But she called me selfish. That I am only thinking about myself. I am so done that I don't want to stay here anymore. All astrology, tarot everything, I don't know what's happening with me. But I have decided I have to fight. I am not wrong. I did everything I could. I just sleep thinking next will be better but but it's becoming worse. That man is still stuck at it. Why didn't you study this way? Why did you do that way? Without understanding anything. Just because he made it doesn't me it's going to happen the same way all the time. All he wants is to prefect as he claims. But If things don't go according to him. He blasts. I realized and understood that life is this way. You don't get what you want always. But he is in that space that if had done enough you would have made it? If you would have done it his way. He called everyone a failure who never did things his way. That's it. I am done and I am moving on. Idk how difficult it is going to be but I will move forward. When I was at a good time, I couldn't see things clearly. But at my worse I saw everyone's reality. And yes even family, parents didn't understand me. Thank you for staying till now and listening to me. I feel a but lighter and my breakdown is gone.