My rape fantasy 19F

I seem to have a really bad desire for humiliation/degradation. It's all consuming right now and I feel guilty for it but it gets me so wet everyday. What would people who know me irl think if they knew I had these fantasies. I get crushes on older women (I guess I'm a lesbian but I've never been with a woman either?), but then all I fantasize about is cock. I fantasize about a guy forcing his dick inside my pussy because I need to know what it feels like and because that's all I'm good for. I fantasize about him fucking me roughly, making me take his seed and breeding me because he can. I fantasize about him coming into my work and claiming to know me, I, confused, follow him into a meeting room where he grabs me, strips me wnd force fucks me. I think about screaming but I don't because deep down I actually want this. It's been a while and my coworkers, or even my boss who I have a crush on knocks on the door and asks if I'm okay. I say I'm all good meanwhile he's balls deep in my cunt, cumming inside me and I have to sound normal even though I'm also about to cum. I have to keep a straight face the rest of the day even though his cum is leaking out of me and I'm still wet wanting him to rape me again. Is it really rape if I want it this bad? I hope he follows me home and abducts me in his car to make me his fucktoy for the next week. Maybe even invite some friends...

DMs open btw...