21F becoming increasingly desperate i want to be a mom

Feeling so low that I'm imagining being taken advantage of and stuck in a relationship by a guy instead of receiving a marriage proposal. From a technical standpoint, it wouldn't be my responsibility to leave college. I could never abandon a baby; my beliefs are too strong for that. My menstrual cycle is unpredictable; I wouldn't realize until it was too late. You might choose to retain me. Ensure that this isn't the final child I bring into the world. Leave me barefoot and expecting for as long as you desire. It's what I truly desire inside. That initial pregnancy would leave a mark on me regardless; I couldn't move forward even if I tried