My life is depressing.

Just wanna say I'm actually in the best spot in life I've ever been in, I've got a decent paying job I love and I'm starting to truly accept myself, so don't freak out on me thinking I need mental help or something. I just thought I should post this as a warning for other paypigs/simps/subs.

I completely fucked my life up searching for a woman to care about me. I had a highschool obsession that I reconnected with, she gave me a sad story about being SA'ed, so I gave her 30k I got from a settlement, to give her another chance at life. In return, she pressured me into a suicide attempt because I stopped sending to her. I eventually asked for my money back and she told me she was going to off herself because of me. Then she blocked me. I thought she did for legitimately years until googling her name (looking for obituaries) I saw she bought a 300k house.

My first and only gf (second sb) turned me into her own personal atm. I thought we were in love, but she just always needed money. Her health was terrible, but she used it as an excuse to not visit me. We were together 2 years and there was up to 8 month gaps between meeting at the end. I felt so bad for her, I just couldn't not spoil her to the point of not being able to afford anything myself. I gave her 23k in two years. I ignored so many red flags. Her spending time with her ex, her recoiling the first time I told her I loved her, long times between visits, her using me as a therapist to vent and scream at. I'm still sickened by the fact I payed for her abortion, twice. Was for the best, but it still upsets me.

Since then, I was staying away from women and stopped sending money for almost a year. But I have been spiraling recently. I spent 3k on some pinay cam girl. I actually stopped even watching her, I just sent to her paypal. I've been scammed off reddit a few times. I've been pretending like I'm a sugar daddy when I'm living paycheck to paycheck but only because I keep sending money the moment I get it. I realized recently that I could easily pay off a house in less than 10 years, but the thought of being lonely in a house is a horrible thought. I'm 28 now, I don't even have a car because I don't even take care of myself. I could have one. I could have a house almost payed off by now. I've given up so much and gotten treated like trash in return. I'm a truama dump receptical with auxiliary atm functions. I'm so sick of the sad stories and the guilt trips just to use me. I just wanted someone to care. To do cute things with. To pick out clothes, shoes, makeup pallets, succulents, and buy them for a girl. I just wanted to cuddle, to have some semi-frequent kinky sex. I just wanted to genuinely connect with a woman. I didn't respect myself though and I payed for it.

Tldr: don't be like me. Fight this kink. Respect yourself or no one else will.

And to the sick dommes who are going to downvote me into oblivion. Do it. I'd love it.