Dream makes me question if I really want to transition...

Hello!

TLDR : Dream of horrible transition outcome makes me question, and also, did i transition because I hate masculinity or because I really want to be a woman?

I am 2 weeks on HRT. I'm 33.

Yesterday I had my first laser session for beard.
On the evening, I started feeling very masculine, I dunno why, started feeling obsessively attracted to some girls like before and everything... And tonight, I've had an horrible nightmare where I had "oversised skin" and terrible body dysmorphia due to HRT, and then a machine turned me back into the boy and I found myself beautifull....

Maybe it is because after 30 years I finally started to feel I was a beautifull man (on the outside), but I hated myself so much on the inside that I need to transition, and become a "ugly girl". IDK.

It's also that I questioned for 3 months, ordered hormones, than I entered a crazy work period with 70+hrs of work / week and just started injecting and laser without thinking. I can't "access" the fact that I like or don't like taking hormones or laser. It's really weird.

All I know is that I feel intense joy when I feel like a girl in a group of girls. (Which happens often due to wonderfull friends). The problem is that I think I hated myself so much as a man because of toxic masculinity and most of my friends are queer or very feminist cis girls sooooo I ended up hating myself to the point of transitioning... I dunnnnoooo!!! I'm a bit lost..