Another vent

I'm so sick and tired of this. I've been in group programs and inpatient since April and I still burn relationships. Like, the thing I want the most in the world is a healthy romantic relationship but I can't stop the self sabotaging or the drastic mood swings. Now she left me and I can't stop swirling. I'm with friends most the week so I'll be ok but I just wish I could handle a relationship 😔