Update: I told my stepmom everything.

Original post here.

I did it. I went over to my stepmom’s house while my dad was out of town and told her everything I know. She was totally blindsided. She was angry. She was absolutely shattered.

She was shaking, and said she never saw this coming. She told me things had actually been going better lately. My dad had taken her out on a date just the day before, and was being unusually affectionate and sweet. She really thought they were in a good place.

Before I told her anything, she was cheerfully chatting and brought up “that shrimp pasta your dad makes.” My sister and I just froze. That’s what he made for the other woman. We both felt sick. She was so happy and welcoming and excited to have us there. It was heartbreaking.

She mentioned that usually he invites her and her sister to church every weekend, and he had randomly stopped doing that over the past month. He also stopped inviting another family member who usually goes too.

Apparently, she had actually wanted to go on this recent trip with him, but he told her he had to take a certain road that she hates (because of how he drives on it). Said it would be dangerous, so she stayed behind.

They’ve had a location sharing app for years, mostly just in case of emergencies. She rarely checks it unless she needs to see if he’s near a store or something. But after I talked to her, she decided to look. That was when everything started to click for her.

He hadn’t gone to work at all that day. He drove to a nearby town, ate at a taqueria for hours, then checked into an inn. We later found out that her sister overheard him booking that room, and he specifically asked for a king bed instead of two queens. She didn’t think anything of it at the time, since he normally books kings for work travel.

My stepmom texted him while he was still at the restaurant, pretending like she had figured out a way to make the drive after all. Then she said something like “You’re not answering because your girlfriend is with you, huh?” and finally told him to pack a bag and get out.

He never replied. He didn’t call. He just went on with his night and stayed at the hotel with the other woman.

The next morning, he finally called. At first he denied anyone was with him. Then he admitted someone was, but claimed it was just a friend. He told my stepmom this was her fault for “never going anywhere with him.” When she pointed out that she knew it wasn’t a work trip, he first denied that too, then backtracked and said, “Yeah, you’re right, it’s not work. But it’s not what you think, she’s just a friend.”

She told him to come pack a bag and leave. He insisted on coming home to “talk it out.” I really hope she sticks to her guns and doesn’t let him spin this into anything but what it is.

As for me, I still have the labradoodle. After telling her, I texted my dad and said, “I just outed you to your wife. I hoped this was a misunderstanding. What the f*ck is going on? Call me back.”

It’s been over 15 hours. No call. No text. Nothing.

I sent that message because I didn’t want my siblings to take the blame or be put in a position where he tries to guilt them. My stepmom had already let him know she knew, but I wanted him to hear it from me that I was the one who said something.

Every time my phone rings, I get nervous it’s going to be him. But I feel better having gotten it off my chest. I do think I did the right thing.

One thing I’m especially glad about: I stopped my stepmom from moving into a new house with him. When I got to her place to talk, she was literally packing. That part crushed me. Thankfully she’ll be staying in the home she already shares with her sister instead.

That said, my partner thinks I should have given my dad a warning first. Something like, “Tell her, or I will.” He believes it would’ve hurt less coming from him, and maybe it would have. It probably did hit harder coming from me with all the details. I know some family members are going to have mixed feelings about how I handled this, but I stand by it.

I’ll update again if anything major happens or if I hear from him. For now, this is where things stand.