That cursed fucking number.

That fucking number keeps me up at night. That fucking number that doesn’t tell me anything. It teases me like a mistress in the night

That’s the number I keep getting when I’m getting my testosterone levels checked for the past four months. Everybody can see that I’m off the charts, but no doctor is telling me how I can measure in a unit that will tell me real time information on my hormones. Also, because of this measurement, my free testosterone can’t even be calculated so I can’t give you even an estimate of what that number is.

My doctor is on vacation for a month. I’m showing high oestrogen symptoms. Should I order a test from online? She did give me 5, 1 mg tablets of arimidex when we were talking about a possible problem. Thank God now I have it but I only have enough to take .25 mg every third day. I think that will last me until I get to see her again.