When you blow a gasket, nobody cares about what caused the pressure

And that sucks.

I’ll try to keep this brief: I’m on a long work trip that originally wasn’t supposed to have any managers on it, but got tacked on at the last minute. They’re new the company and team.

I thought we had decent rapport; both interested in straightforward, candid conversations and lots of push and pull type discussions. This was going fine. I also disclosed I was autistic, which I’ve been slowly sharing with people I work closely with, because it helps explain why certain things are helpful (an agenda for meetings when possible/realistic, specific meetings scheduled for topics that require a lot of thought, like career development, etc). Might have been the first mistake.

Anyway, we were doing an after work event with some teammates, playing a board game I’d brought. I was trying to explain the rules/play, and people kept interrupting. I was annoyed, but like regular annoyed. The manager started making comments that were reeeaaaaaaally pointed and made me feel targeted, like that they would keep interrupting after I asked for it to stop, that the real game was seeing how upset they could make me, and that I sucked at my own game.

I finally snapped and called them an asshole. Not only for that night, but honestly the entire length of the work trip. I didn’t SAY all that, but I did call them an asshole.

So, I burst a gasket, and after conversation with several people the consensus is that I should apologize, because one of us has to swallow our pride and I’m the one who crossed the technical line into outright name calling.

But here’s the thing: I tried deescalating WELL BEFORE I finally lost my cool. I tried ignoring it (which led to the you suck comment being repeated), I tried waiting patiently for the interruption to be over, I tried humorous exasperation (I can’t answer if you don’t let me!) and I tried light sarcasm (the kind I use to manage my DnD group, which is like no I’ll wait for you to be done, this sounds really important!). When I got to light sarcasm, everyone else seemed to realize I was kind of reaching the limit and started to simmer down, but the manager just. Kept. Escalating.

And I only called them an asshole because they said since they’re not at work, they can say whatever they want, AFTER all the shit.

But I’m the one who has to eat crow to rehearse and script out this convo so I can deliver without either crying or being angry. Because I’m the low man on the totem pole.