I have a gaming problem, among many other things

The only game I can seem to play for any length of time is Helldivers 2. I also love Sekiro, Lies of P, Grounded, Doom Eternal. But the latter...idk, I'll just open them up, play for 5 minutes, Get bored, and go back to Helldivers. Don't get me wrong, I love Helldivers, but I want to play my other games and I don't know why I can't enjoy them right now. I will say that I have Major depressive disorder and actual PTSD, so I wouldn't be surprised if that's influencing things.  

I'm trying to challenge run Sekiro by doing a no hit run. I used to play this game for hours and I got my personal best fown to 6 hits. That's great and all, but I want to finish it off. It's like I have no perseverance or something. I have the will to do it, but zero.drive.  

I'll also that I'm a disabled veteran, and I haven't worked in years. I haven't been able to find anything to circumvent all the free time I have. So, I spend all of my time at my pc. For reference, I don't even own a couch in my studio apartment. (I'm working on it) To he honest, I feel like a fucking loser at 39 years old. I don't work, I don't volunteer.(I used to volunteer at a food bank)I have panic atta js everytime I step out of my apartment, although I still try to go for a few walks a day. I'm gaining weight. I used to exercise. All these things I wish I was doing, ND that I used to do, and yet I'm obsessed with gaming. I don't watch TV. I watch YouTube and twitch. 

To be honest, this post took a turn. I wa soriginally planning on posting this in r/gaming or something. But I need advice, or just somebody to relate too. I'm so fucking alone. I haven't been in a relationship in 4 years. I have zero, and I mean zero support system except for my psychiatrist. I have no close friends, only gaming acquaintances. I stopped going to therapy after going for 4 years.

I had a consult for TMS(Transcranial magnetic stimulation) a depression therapy. The doctor and I estimated that throughout the tears, I've had over 100 episodes of severe depression. I've been to the psych ward 6 times. I've been to detox 12 times. I sued to drink, but I've been sober drom alcohol for 2 years on July 25th if this month, just a few days from now. I still smoke weed. I used to go to AA. But, idk, it's not for me I don't think?

Can anyone at all relate, or am I just screaming into the void? Sorry If this is all over the place. I just need to vent i think. I don't have anywhere else. Thanks for reading.