How pathetic is this?

I’ve been sad over my first girlfriend for years now. I’ve been with other women and for some reason I still think about her every single day. People tell me that women never forget their firsts or whatever and my ex has broken NC twice. I find myself wanting to text her again every single day. I’ve blocked her before and she’s blocked me before but we always end up unblocking each other. I know that this is anything but healthy but I’m afraid to text her first. I just wanted to know how pathetic is this on a scale of 1-10?