I (18f) moved out a day after my birthday to avoid my mother (54f), but in moving costed my relationship with my brothers (23m) and (16m), is there anyway I can fix it? (Tw: suicide mention)

(I tried posting this in relationship advice so hopefully it stays up here) I moved out because of the mentally and emotionally abusive environment my mom was putting me and my brothers through. We didn’t always live with our mom, our dad primary custody of us, but when I was ten he lost the house and couldn’t afford a safe place to keep kids so cps took us away and gave us to our mom. Who was arrested for assaulting my dad and who my older had to call the cops on when he was only 11. She even left me behind in a mall once during vitiation when I was 8, I was lucky one of her friends found me wondering around instead of a stranger, and yet she was still somehow aloud visitation right. I’ll never understand the American court system. She wasn’t really nice to any of us, though she seemed to love targeting me. If she had a bad day at work or if I accidentally dropped something, she would call me stupid relentless and say “this is why you can never do anything”, and that’s when she wasn’t even mad mad. When she would go through one of her episodes, she would often say that she wasn’t taking care of me and my little brother anymore and that we weren’t living with her anymore (she said this the most during quarantine, I would have been 13 and my little brother 11). One time my little brother missed his bus so he stayed home because he didn’t know the way to our middle school. When I came home I found him crying on the steps because our mom locked him out and said she would put him up for adoption, but because he missed his bus. I’m not gonna write every bad thing she did otherwise this post would be super long, but this should paint a picture for the type of person she is. I talked to my older brother a few times about wanting to move out and he was never happy about it. He wasn’t mad about me wanting to move out but he didn’t like that I wanted to move out so soon. His argument was that since he stayed for me and my little brother when he could have move out, was that I should stay for my little brother since he planned to move out in a month. I tried explaining to him that I just couldn’t, my mental health has been at its lowest living with her and I told him she was the reason I wanted to off myself. His response was that “I shouldn’t hold onto things from the past”. I tried so hard to get him to see why I had to get out soon but he wouldn’t listen, he just kept saying I needed to grow up and that “being 18 didn’t make be an adult” well I am by the law so I don’t know what to tell you bud. He ended up giving up trying to convenience me to stay longer and said it was my choice to stay or not, but if I left he said he wouldn’t talk to me for a long time. He asked if it would be worth it, since he would be at work when I plan on leaving so I wouldn’t even be able to hug him good bye, and he asked if I really wanted to put out little brother through having to watch me leave and not being able to stop it. That was honestly the hardest thing I had to do in my life he looked like he did when he was a kid crying and begging me not to leave. I felt terrible leaving him but I couldn’t stay. It’s been a month since then and neither of them have talked to me. I had an argument with my older brother because my mom invited me over for her birthday recently and I said no, when my older brother asked me why I said “she was the reason I moved out, why would I go back to see her?” And said I was being a jerk and blaming her for a lot this. While yes both our parents are responsible for our lives being the way they are right now, our dad hasn’t nearly as much damage mentally as our mom has. It hurts to see him defending when he knows how she is towards me, more often than not it was him defending me from her when she would have her episodes. He keeps telling me that she’s sadder now and that our little brother has been crying a lot. I do feel really guilty for leaving my brothers alone with her but I don’t know how much longer I could have lived with her. If I had to live with her any longer than I had to I think I genuinely would have k*lled myself because I genuinely couldn’t live there anymore. Hopefully I can rebuild my relationships with my brothers, I don’t know if I should wait to let them process their emotions or if I should take the first step to rebuilding what was broken by me leaving.