Vent

I need to vent.

I’ve been divorced since January. Me LLF and him HLM. I know it was a big thing on many levels, including him posting here about two years ago.

We had a good sex life the first few years, then some trauma reared its head and I started having panic attacks during sex. Combine that with stress and meds that reduce libido and it was not good. We tried ENM because the guilt made things worse for me, but it wasn’t a great fit for us.

I’m venting because as I connect with myself again, I know I’m getting blamed for the DB but he never tried the things I suggested. I would suggest exercises and toys. He would say he was on board but never follow through. Same with dates or other options. He could be really pushy when we got started so I was afraid of that. I worked on changing meds. I saw a pelvic floor PT. Talked with my therapist. Got recommendations for sex therapists.

At some point I was so frustrated trying to get him to try that I stopped. It was a lot of work and energy for something I didn’t miss like he did. We were still cuddly and intimate in other ways.

I wish he had wanted to put the work in instead of leaving it all on me. Now I have to remind myself that it’s not my fault we didn’t have a sex life. I asked him to help and he didn’t want to. I’m still left feeling broken.