How do I come back to this point again and again?

I seem to do good when I have nothing and I strive to get my shit together and I set these goals and I focus on them and always do really good. But when all that’s over with you know it gets boring. People around me disappear. Every day blends together and just seems like I’m living the same day over and over. Then eventually I turn to drugs again and you know I don’t even like them. But I just kept feeling like there was this place that I would get to in life if I worked hard enough that everything would get better and I got there if there was even it yet and nothing changed. And I start asking myself did I go the right way? I’m looking for this void within myself but can’t find it can’t figure out how to nourish it and fill it with love and all I can do is try again tomorrow and try something different and hopefully I find peace in that