My (F26) guy best friend/ex crush (M25) texted me tonight asking if I would be okay if he hooked up with a great friend of mine (F27). How do I navigate this?

So context. Me and this friend, let’s call him Larry, have been friends for 7 years. We are very close, we know each others families, he even lives with my brother. He is one of the most important people in my life.

People always said we would end up together but I really wasn’t interested. I found out later that he was into me at one point but I’m not exactly sure when. I didn’t start to feel anything until 2 years ago but by then I was too late. I told him how I felt and he said he wasn’t willing to risk our friendship and have things go badly. I understood that as our friendship will always be my top priority.

Things were a little weird for a while after but it got better and everything was fine. During this period of me moving past it I talked a lot with my friend, let’s call her Sarah. Sarah and I are also very close and spend a lot of time together and we understand each other very well.

I vented to Sarah a lot about how I felt and she supported me. We’re all in the same friend group so she sees Larry a lot as well. In the past, before I got feelings for Larry I had tried to set them up and they had nearly had a night together but it didn’t work out and she wasn’t super interested. She had kinda been feeling vibes towards him when my feelings started but took several steps back cause she didn’t want to get in the middle of things. Even after I had admitted my feelings to him and knew it wasn’t happening it was clear that going for him would be weird for me.

Cut to now. I have been overseas for 6months and I will be back in two weeks. Tonight was a celebration back home for our mutual friend and I called her to wish her well. While talking to her she mentioned that Sarah and Larry were off somewhere probably getting together. It made me feel a little weird but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions, but secretly I was hurt. I don’t believe in dibs but I do believe in looking after your friend’s feelings.

Then half an hour later I received a text from Larry, and went I didn’t reply immediately I got a call from him to get my attention. He made a joke about getting with all my friends (he has in the past) and essentially said to tell him if I found it weird. He confirmed it was Sarah that he was with and told me to tell him now if it was an issue.

I felt stuck and strange because I didn’t understand why he was asking for my permission. I didn’t want him to know that I still feel something and stand in the way but I also didn’t want to lie so I ultimately told him that it would make me feel weird but that it was none of my business. He just said ‘copy that’ and I didn’t reply.

Now I am reeling. I don’t really understand why he texted me. And I am hurt by her actions. If there are real feelings there between them I understand and it’s not my place to stand in the way, but if that’s the case why not talk to me about it? And if it’s not feelings and just fun, why would she prioritise one night of fun over our relationship? I know I’m not the centre of everyone’s universe but we are very close and she knows I wouldn’t be happy about this. I have been in the reverse situation before and I picked my relationship with a friend over the fun. We have an amazing friendship so I don’t really understand what’s going on.

Then again Larry and I were never together so maybe I don’t have a leg to stand on. I want to talk to her tomorrow and basically ask her to explain it to me, but do I have a leg to stand on to be upset? Or do I just need to get over this? Why was he the one to text me and ask me if I’m okay with it when she’s the one that’s been hearing how I feel? It’s just so strange