I feel like my son would be better off without me...

Im a 23 yr old FTM to a baby boy who will be 3 months old on Tuesday. My birth with him was long and traumatic and ended in me getting an unexpected episiotomy that I'm still feeling the effects of. Even though I dreamed of having kids, my postpartum period has been less than ideal. I had plans to breastfeed and it didn't work out so now I'm exclusively pumping and dealing with things like vasospams and burst blood vessels in my breasts. On top of that, I have hypothyroidism and Hashimotos disease so my body is in constant pain. My labor lasted 14 hrs and I was on my back the entire time while starving and with a full bladder. My preexisting back pain is at the worse it's ever been and my knees are up there on the pain scale. With my birth not going the way I wanted it to, my postpartum depression is getting really bad. I have thoughts of feeding, changing, and burping my son before laying him down in his crib, saying goodbye to the dog, and driving off or putting a bullet through my head. He smiles for my husband all the time and seems to like him more than me. I think all he sees me is a food source and that's it. Now that formula is at the most advanced it's ever been (meaning anybody can feed him), I'm convinced that my son wouldn't notice or care if I left. I'm unstable anyways, always having emotional outbursts at the littlest things. He deserves a calm space to grow up in and I feel like I'm hindering that by being here.