[43M] and [38F] - I don't understand what happened

Me: 43

Her: 38:

Relationship Length: 2 months

Both previoulsy married, both of us have kids

I’m trying to make sense of how a short but intense relationship ended so suddenly—and with so much hostility.

I met a woman I genuinely clicked with. The first month was incredible. We exchanged over 5,000 texts—funny, flirty, vulnerable, and passionate. We eventually had an amazing night together, and it felt like we were both all-in. She even asked to see me again right before a work trip, so I rearranged my schedule to make it happen.

That’s when things started to shift.

The morning we were supposed to meet, she didn’t reply to my text. A few hours later she asked me to come over—but when I got there, she was on a Teams call making small talk with a colleague. I sat quietly for 90 minutes. Eventually, I texted her that I understood she was busy and I was going to head to the office. She ended the call, gave me a hug, and apologized—but her energy had clearly changed.

While she was on her trip, her messages took on a completely different tone. They became intense and clinical—full of psychology buzzwords and probing questions. I tried to engage honestly but told her it felt like she was looking for reasons to push me away. Not long after that, she told me I had an “anxious attachment style” and that she needed a “secure” connection.

I said I didn’t agree with all her conclusions, but I respected her and wished her well.Then she said it wasn’t necessarily final. She said I had “work to do” and that we could be friends for now—but she left the door open for more, with no clear path forward. So I took it seriously. I went back to therapy, read books on attachment styles, started doing the internal work—and shared some of that with her. But she never returned to the woman I met in those first few weeks. Sometimes she replied coldly. Sometimes not at all.

Eventually, we had a blowup. She told me I needed to “stop being the person who makes her wait.” I apologized. We cooled off. A few days later we had a friendly two-hour phone call, and she sent me photos of herself sunbathing and out with a friend. I sent a picture from a night out with friends to mirror the energy, and she snapped: “We’re not dating—you don’t need to check in.”

I was confused and hurt. So I sent a very polite email before a trip I had planned with my kids. I laid out my thoughts clearly and kindly. I asked if the romantic door was still open, or if I needed to step away entirely. I told her I couldn’t stay “just friends” indefinitely. I even gave her talking points to avoid surprises. I asked her to sit with it while I was gone.

Instead, she replied at 12:37 a.m. the next day. Her tone was cold and harsh. She said she had been clear. That there would never be a relationship now. That I should step away if I needed to. That she would not engage with me again.

I unfriended her on Facebook. LaterI noticed she blocked me—on Facebook, by phone, even on TikTok (which I barely use). This all happened after I unfriended her.

A few days later, I redownloaded Hinge. I saw her profile. Out of morbid curiosity, I “liked” it—but didn’t comment or message. That night, I was banned from Hinge. I emailed her to ask if she reported me, and she replied with a cold, legalistic message saying not to contact her again—without answering the question.

I’m just stunned. I know I probably did show anxious behaviors—I wanted clarity, and I struggled with the ambiguity. But I also tried to be respectful, honest, and growth-oriented.

What actually happened here? Is this classic anxious-avoidant behavior? Was I out of line? Why the intense anger and total shutdown if she truly wanted to move on?

I’m trying to learn from this—but I genuinely don’t understand the emotional violence of the ending.

TL;DR:
Had an intense, short relationship with a woman who initially seemed all-in. After a passionate night, she abruptly pulled away, cited “attachment theory,” and labeled me anxious. I tried to grow and stay respectful, but she became cold and eventually cut me off completely—blocking me everywhere and possibly getting me banned from Hinge. I’m confused, hurt, and trying to understand what went wrong and why it ended with such hostility.