Academic achiever to failure

Back when I was in high school, I used to be an academic achiever. I was at the top of my class, a student leader, and it seemed like I already had everything figured out in life. My friends and classmates believed that I would continue to thrive in college and eventually make it big.

Here’s the thing: I wanted to take a course related to tourism, but my mom wanted me to take Accountancy. Since she said she wouldn’t support me if I chose anything else, I ended up taking Accountancy.

I managed to survive the first semester of college, even though I started to feel burnt out. That was unusual for me because back then, I could wake up early just to study, and I had no problem spending hours on schoolwork without feeling tired or unmotivated. But ever since I started college, I’ve become a procrastinator and a crammer. Sometimes I don’t even do anything at all.

Then the second semester came. If I felt burnt out during the first semester, it only got worse. I felt more exhausted and even more unmotivated to keep studying. And then came the biggest slap in the face: I failed one of my major subjects, which had 6 units. I enrolled in a summer class to retake the subject, and guess what? I failed again. Only a few people in my life know about this, and I’m scared that people from my high school will find out. I know they’ll be shocked, and I’m afraid they’ll gossip about how I’ve become a failure.

Right now, I’m thinking about shifting to a program that I know I can actually do well in. Tourism is no longer an option because it’s quite expensive, and my mom still wouldn’t support it.

By the way, my college tuition is currently free because of a scholarship. But since I’m shifting programs and failed a subject, I’ll need to start paying for tuition. I’m also planning to look for a part-time job so I can support myself.

Honestly, my life feels like a mess right now. My heart feels heavy just thinking about the possibility of repeating my first year, especially while being financially unstable. I don’t have anyone to talk to, so I just decided to post this here.