How to let go?

I don’t know how to let go of my ex. I know an ex is an ex for a reason. I was with my ex for almost 6 years and it was the longest relationship I’ve had. He was my world, my life and everything I could ever want in a partner and more. I even saw him as my life person. I massively destroyed the relationship by lying to him about having a job, denied taking out a credit card and not telling him, emotionally abused him, manipulated and gaslit him. I know I absolutely DO NOT deserve him. He has told me he wants me in his life and he cares but won’t answer my calls if I need to talk to him or see me despite him saying we’re best friends. He says he cares me about me but doesn’t know what he wants. I have had therapy and I am trying to be a better person. I struggle with clinical depression and anxiety, showing signs of BPD. I’ve been unemployed for more than 3 years. I’ve been applying for loads of jobs but I know that if employers look at my CV and see how long the gap has been, they won’t give it a second look. I’m at my lowest I’ve ever been in my current living situation as I live amongst a bunch of noisy and disrespectful people. I have a strained relationship with my Mum, I speak to my Dad every couple of weeks. I have a brother and we haven’t spoken in a few months. I wake up everyday wondering how I’m going to survive another day. I have my cat who I live for and love her so much! I feel totally alone.