No need for sympathy or pity, just a vent

My mom died when I was a kid. Tomorrow, she would have been 50. What do I do with grief mother?

Yk I saw this instagram video of a girl singing, very beautifully, a song that went something like, 'i am my mother's wild daughter' or something. And I realised I wasn't. Not because she's dead, but I am not even half a woman she was. I hate it. I miss her and I hate that I don't even get to mourn anymore because it's been like 8 years.

And because it's been 8 years, i assume every skin cell that ever knew her died. I hate it. And the worst part? I knew what she was like and she would probably hate who I've become.

I wish I had her around for longer, wish she'd seen me grow.

What do I do? I don't know what to do.