i’m such an idiot

i’ve never felt like more of an idiot ever in my life. there was this guy who i really fucking liked. and i thought he liked me too cause i swear he was flirting with me. i mean i couldn’t be sure but god he made it seem like it. but i just found out like an hour ago that a girl likes him. for context we’re both lifeguards and this girl works admissions. when they’re both working, he spends all his offs and all the pool breaks leaning his entire torso into the admissions window. just talking to her. the entire time. it’s a joke among the other guards now. and they’re like laughing and touching each others arms and they’ve got their faces like 2 inches away. i should’ve known honestly. i’m not what he would’ve wanted. he’s mormon and i’m a trans guy. i should’ve known. but i didn’t want to admit it to myself. but i knew. i’m so sick of not being what they want. girls or guys. why does it never work out for me. i know plenty of trans people who date all the time. i’ve never done anything romantically. i just can’t do this anymore.