Am I overreacting for wanting to go to HR after months of tension and borderline harassment from a coworker?

I (31F) work as a people leader in a performance-based office job where your metrics determine how early you get to pick your schedule.

Back in November 2024, I took a schedule that one of my coworkers—let’s call him John (40sM)—really wanted. We work in a small department where not many good schedule options are available. At the time, I had said I didn’t plan on switching because I liked working weekends (fewer people, chill vibes), but when this schedule unexpectedly became available, I grabbed it impulsively. I have ADHD and tend to make snap decisions like that. I ranked above him, so it was technically my choice. But ever since then, our work relationship has gone downhill.

Since November, John has been: • Argumentative and dismissive • Rolling his eyes during conversations • Talking down to me in front of our employees • Making sarcastic or passive-aggressive comments • Gaslighting and flipping situations back on me

We’ve had multiple tense interactions. I started documenting things and taking screenshots of messages where he was clearly being disrespectful. At one point, I tried to talk to him calmly and directly. I was visibly emotional, trying hard not to cry, and told him his behavior was noticeable and unprofessional. I said if it continued, I’d have to report it.

He immediately went to a higher manager and said I was so angry I was “shaking and threatening him,” which is not true. (Our direct manager wasn’t there at the time) I was upset, yes—but not aggressive. Management got involved, and we were told to keep things formal and respectful.

Fast forward to summer 2025… nothing has changed.

He’s still undermining me, making rude comments, mocking how I do things (then copying me), and generally making me feel small at work. I try to be positive, polite and professional, but I keep getting met with attitude and disrespect. It’s exhausting and honestly starting to affect my mental health.

Where I’m second-guessing myself: • Maybe I was impulsive in taking that schedule, and he felt blindsided. • Maybe my emotional reaction made the situation feel more intense to him. • Maybe I’m being too sensitive or taking things too personally. • We’ve already had one sit-down, and HR hasn’t been involved yet—so maybe I should just deal with it?

But at the same time… I’ve tried to talk it out, document it, and loop in higher management. I don’t feel like it’s getting better, and I’m tired of trying to work around someone who clearly doesn’t respect me. And we have to continue to work together for probably another year.

Am I overreacting for wanting to take this to HR now, even though I’ve already tried other steps?