Religion, History and Marriage

Male 44.

I met her online, married her and her 3yr old son with full conviction and open arms. She is the one to propose marriage and she was the one to initiate the relationship. I was happy to let her lead and walk beside her. We have great physical and lifestyle compatibility. There was a lot to look forward. It was "the home" we all wanted.

But, of course there is a but. On the first difference of opinion, she packed her bags, blocked all contacts and moved out. That cycle repeated itself 5-6 times over different arguments, now we are in radio silence since 2 years. Abandonment seems to be her go to response, as she does it to her friends and family. Abandonment is my kryptonite. Deep rooted fear from dysfunctional family and extreme abuse during childhood. That is the premise.

Arguments - not loud, no physical violence - just normal discussions high on Weed and/or Whiskey.

1. I have pets and I choose to see them with the same value as any other human/living being in my life. She feels that is disrespectful to think a child and a cat are equal. I am not saying they are equal, I feel "life is a life" regardless of form and so they have the same value. I am vegetarian by choice because "life is a life" Few months later, after lots of gifts and explanations and apologies, she sort of let it go and came back but did not forget. Life was good until the next
2. I refused to put up our photo as a DP on WhatsApp. I never had any DPs - not a fan of pushing my face on others, and also my work sort of doesn't appreciate that. Anyway, She packed and left. I realise I could have done it, it doesn't hurt, it doesn't matter however at that time, I felt controlled so I resisted. Few months later, after lots of gifts and explanations and apologies, she sort of let it go and came back but did not forget. Life was good until the next
3. Our son had the habit of sucking his thumb. Smearing some bitter oil or Chili powder is a common practice to discourage thumb sucking in my culture. Not to hurt but to strongly discourage that behaviour. In retrospect, I understand why thats not the best idea, in that moment I didn't know any better. I consider him my own, told him off, warned him but when defied, I smeared a tiny bit of chill powder on the thumb to see what would be his reaction. I was fully ready to stop him before he hurt himself or before I caused any pain. All in front of her. That did not go down very well. Same as before.
4. Then came religion. I am Hindu and she is Muslim. I don't subscribe to dogmas. I don't practice rituals or believe in religion. She practices devoutly. But in her own way with her won rules. God must exist, I understand that from Alpha constants, Golden Ratios, Calvin cycle, Dirac equation and so on.

We were sat in the balcony, couple of joints and pegs down. In the middle of random talks, she asked about evolution... as I explained, we moved into civilisational history - I mentioned all religions are man made constructs. A cohesive social idea meant to keep communities sane, safe and sanitary. In the process we got talking about Islam and Mohammed. I explained actual, archaeological, ethnological and evidence based history of Islam and mohammed. Next morning she packed her bags and left. She disagreed about what I said, I responded "one shouldn't have opinions on facts" either she should read more or accept facts if provided with proofs.

She cut me off. I had to move out of the country for work. We are in complete radio silence ever since. I haven't seen or spoken to my son in over 2 years - he knows me as his father and he is the only child I have. She also had troubled childhood and lots of trauma. Maybe this is her way of self-preservation. She isn't a bad human being, just not well read. Stupidity isn't a crime but in my situation it has ruined all over lives.

I am conflicted. Should I fu*k it and move on with life. Or should I carry on hoping for a reunion for the sake of our 6yr old son. Again, he knows me as his father. For now, she can't date anyone openly, at least not around our son.

I am a struggling scientist. She is financially better off than me. Despite that, when I voluntarily contribute, she takes the money without a word of thanks. I thought my financial success (IF) could be a gateway to reunion but thats as fucking evasive as slippery eels.

In a way I know moving on is the best solution, have accepted that too, but thought asking strangers on the internet might bring some new insights.