I don't have any friends and never have

Sorry if there are any mistakes, it has been translated

I feel like I've never had any real friends. Friends to hang out with, to talk to about absolutely everything in life and do everything a friend does.

When I was in elementary school I had two best friends who always hung out together, but when it came to doing work and exams, I was always excluded. There was practically no conversation outside of school. But at the time it was fine with me because I liked their friendship, I just didn't like that part of it and that was fine.

I had to move to another country, and in high school I made friends with two of them too, and we were also a trio, always hanging out together at break times and so on. But they always went out and talked more amongst themselves, and I was once again excluded. Then someone else joined the group, now a quartet, and they stayed close and hung out like before, only with him. And I was never invited to anything.

Today I'm about to start university and I've realized that all my life I've always had colleagues, not real friends. I've never had anyone to talk to, to vent to, to go out with, for anything. And I've always been respected by everyone, I've always talked about everything, about common subjects. I don't know if the problem is me, what problem I have, I don't know.

I know that I feel an immense emptiness because of this, some days I feel really bad, I see everyone out and about, all sorts of things, and I feel nothing. I can go days without my cell phone and when I pick it up again, no one will have texted me. I'm 20 and I feel like I didn't have a teenage years, I've always been alone. Although I've learned to do things on my own, go out, go to concerts and so on. There comes a time when it gets tiring.