My brain tells me I'm too lucky to be trans, help 😭

TW SUICIDE AND MENTAL DISORDERS MENTIONED

So basically the title. I'm starting T in a few months and moving out of my transphobic parents' house. I've passed my entrance university exams with very high results and found a stable job. I'm standing on the doorstep of the life I've always dreamed about. And I'm only 18 y.o.!

I'm telling you not just to boast. Basically, my brain is always telling me that there should be some secret nuance I don't know about. Like, I'm really very lucky comparing to trans people I know. I had a friend who killed herself because of transphobia. I have another friend who's closeted to everyone except for me and have been closeted for all of her life because she was afraid to lose her job and family. I feel like I need to suffer in order to be a true trans man; like the things always go well only for the idiots who don't think.

Probably it's another thing my OCD tells me, because my main obsessions' theme is a fear of being cis or non-binary, but I'm afraid that I'm too successful. Even though I made a difficult way, I survived dysphoria, parents' abuse, multiple OCD attacks, grooming from the person I loved and so on, I just don't feel like I deserved my transition. Like something will go wrong because of me not thinking enough and going too fast and too well. To well that it's suspicious.

Or maybe I'm overthinking, IDK... Any advice? Stories from the people who got over something similar? Especially those who started T early.

Thank you.