I am almost 30 and I really thought I would have figured it out by now

Instead of moving forward, I feel like I’ve fallen even deeper into a hole. The only real progress I’ve made is finally accepting my sexuality, and while that should feel freeing, everything else in my life feels like it's falling apart. My health has gotten worse, and my body image has spiraled. I want to work on myself physically, but my gut issues make it feel impossible. My career hasn’t taken off the way I hoped. I feel like a failure.

Even going for a walk weighs on me. When I see a good-looking guy, I instantly compare myself and end up feeling worthless. It makes me not want to go out at all anymore.

Growing up in a strict Muslim cult meant I never had a real sense of community. My parents are devout Ahmadi Muslims, so I get no support from them either. Just pressure, silence, and judgment.

I’m tired. I’m still holding on, I haven’t given up, but it breaks me inside to be almost 30 and feel like I’m still stuck at the beginning. Despite trying so hard, I feel like God truly hates me. Like I was never meant to feel peace.

I will continue fighting and hopefully will eventually achieve my goals but just a small rant. Just had to let it out.

Had a shitty day today ❤️