I loved you, I love you, & I always will

It's a shame I never came here sooner to spill the words I hold so deep inside my chest. They lay there so heavy and hard that sometimes I don't think my heart beats the same anymore.

I think about you all the time still and I wonder how you are. I know you're only a text away but it isn't the same anymore. You no longer reply with lightening speed, quick wit, and laughter. Everything is now said as if it's to be met with the cold, pallor tone of her lingering, watchful eyes. Our years of friendship disheveled, my confidant slowly faded from my reality, all because none of us learned to color within the lines. You chose her but kept thinking you could come back to me in secret. Torturing me with the idea that while you do like me, you love her more, and I will always be second best. I see you though. You do not realize you are an unlocked diary left open for the world to read with thoughts spilling out of the pages. Even though you never said it back, I can see and feel the love you still have for me in the way that you look at me, in how you still hang on to my every word, and in every hug when you say goodbye.

But I can't keep going on like this. I can't keep being the tide to your moon. You cannot choose to push and pull me to your whim any longer... it's too painful to bear. Someday, someone will hold my heart like you did and they won't allow it to be overshadowed by someone else. That is where I'm headed next. However, before I go I wanted to say that I loved you, I love you, and I always will.