How long do you try to “make it work”? 34F 36M

My husband (36M) and I (34F) have been together for 10 years. Married for almost two. I recently found out about an emotional affair he was having with a coworker. I made the decision to stay. We have so much history, we’ve grown so much together, accomplished so much, and have raised a beautifully blended family. All that aside, I love him so much and couldn’t imagine my life without him after the initial “oh my god, I have to leave.” When I found out. It’s been two months. He gave me about a good month of being patient with me, all my questions, soothing me, reassuring me…then he decided that was enough time to “heal” and started tearing me apart. Telling me all of these things that I do wrong, how he feels like he can’t communicate with me, how I’m always attacking him with my words. I don’t want to say I am not doing these things, because maybe I just don’t realize it, but these lashings seem to come immediately after I ask a question to ease my mind. All of this is going on, along with waves of him being affectionate and then distant, making me feel actually insane. I feel like I am being strung along for some sick reason of his? I am just waiting for my husband to act like he loves me and then feeling discarded again. Over and over. He still says “I want this to work” but I can’t see anything other than him actively working against me, sabotaging everything on purpose. How long do you wait til you realize this just isn’t for us anymore? My mental health has declined so much, I’ve deactivated all my socials because I just want to disappear, but I really don’t want to lose him if there is a chance we can get back to us before this. Delusional? 😭