44yr and giving "learning to code with python# another try

I don't know how many attempts in learning python I had in the last 8 years. Way too many and I always failed to reach a level where I was able to do anything with the stuff I already learned. I tried different tutorials (udemy, coursera, books and right now I'm on data camp.

I don't have a big WHY for why I want to learn to code with python. It's more that I'm fascinated by the fact that I also could create something that's a product of my mind. A small automation or a small app that can do this or that. And I believe that because of the missing WHY or a real need to learn this skill I fail on this journey.

Now I'm thinking about joining a coding group with like-minded beginners, who are on a similar path. Do you know of one? Just to have some people to talk to, to exchange ideas, or solve challenges together. I don't know if this will help me to achieve my goal but I really hope that this is what is missing.

Because no matter how often I stop coding (or learning to code) a few weeks or months later I just get back into the seat and start over again. I'm not able to get rid of my wish to learn it. I don't know if this might sound childish to you, but I really want this but I'm somehow stuck at the same time.

I don't believe that it matters which tutorial I'm watching. I believe that I struggle to grasp the concepts of programming. Whenever I have to solve a challenge by myself, like to write code for a coffee machine (udemy: 100 days of code in python) I'm lost. I understand that I need to write some functions which do different things, but I can't wrap my heady head around it. When I follow the solution everything makes sense to me, but doing it by myself feels impossible...

I don't know how to approach this. Do you know of any groups I could join? Or is it simple to keep going until it makes click...?