Struggling with opening up to mother

I don’t know if I’m not doing it right- In fact I have no idea how to do it- but as families are they hurt each other sometimes.

Perhaps my dad isn’t making my mom feel as valued- so they have a conversation about it. If my brother is having a hard time with something my mother is doing they have a conversation about it.

These are just examples- but I am often treated differently than other people in my household (I am not making this up- this is something that’s happened since I was a child).

My main problem though is I cannot open up to my parents. It’s basically just a “them” game. I’ve tried and the only way I’ve known how is hardcore just blaming myself and calling myself delusional in order not to “attack” my parents.. or something bad might happen.

I can NEVER say:

“I don’t like it when you-“ “I feel unhappy when this-“ “I feel like-“ “It hurts when you-“ “It’s uncomfortable when you-“

I try to be as nice as possible. But I can’t even say “it feel like sometimes you don’t take it seriously” To them when they genuinely laugh when I explain the pain my disorder has caused me. Goes straight into a complete crazy state of: “I’ve done so much for you” and “stop attacking me (which is the main ones)” and “we don’t care if you go rot down in your room” (I have depression lol)

So how tf do I express my emotions. They say I’m “mentally stunted” and “you need to grow up”

And I just don’t know what to do. It hurts because even when they do wrong they never actually acknowledge that it happened- they call me a liar and say it’s my fault I feel this way.

I feel really guilty and hopeless.