It’s insane how different my DPDR was at the beginning- so panicked, so out of body, so scared. Now I just feel nothing - void of black. I don’t even feel unsafe or anything anymore

I can’t live like this. In constant physical pain, no energy, no emotions, not able to do the things I once loved. I feel disabled. Don’t feel the seasons passing, time changing, nothing. When this first started it was horrifying and felt like I was on an acid trip. Now everything looks normal - and feels somewhat normal. There’s no fear or anything at all, I’m just a complete void of a person. I can’t travel, I can’t take in the world. I feel no memories or sense of self. I am just basically dead.

What am I doing wrong here? I’ve tried everything. My vivid dreams never stop. My body never stops hurting. I have music in my head 24/7. It’s like my mind is just spinning and my body is stuck. Idk what else to try. Acceptance, meds, therapy - giving it time. 3 years have passed and it’s all just worse than it’s ever been in terms of memory loss and loss of self. The world used to change and I’d feel it around me. I used to have moods, I thought the world was wondrous and fun, I loved to dance. Now I’m just a shell of nothing, unable to feel or connect with anything.