The Joy of Fish [2,366]

This is the first section of a story I'm working on. I completed a first draft back in January but the story just wasn't working, so for draft 2 I've tried to implement some dramatic restructuring, interlinking the plotlines instead of having them play out one at a time.

My main questions are:

1.) Is the story, if not clear, at least followable/not confusing?

2.) Do the "digressions" feel like they go on too long, or do they feel appropriate, like they are materially adding to the "main" story?

3.) Anything else you fancy

The Story

Crits:

1166

1981