idk if i’m depressed, lazy or just growing up

idk how to even type this shit but i’m tired to please everyone because as soon i feel even a bit down they start to annoy me saying that i never think of them and i should think about the others. i’m writing this because for no reason i got a hit of void and i wanted to know if id still depressed. i’m honestly hoping everyday that’s not true because i hate to feel “normal” i just want to lay on my bed and feel bored, annoyed and exhausted from my life for no reason. for some months i started to notice im not really sad or empty anymore, i was used to cry but now i can’t cry for almost anything, my grandpa died some days ago and i had to force myself to cry, but i was able to share just a tear or two. i have hobbies, but i stopped to give a fuck about school cause i can’t concentrate or even want to study anymore. i don’t want to do anything but i put a mindset that im a fucking cage and i have to just do what i got to do since im adult now, so go to university, choose wisely what i want to do, start to take lessons for guiding etc. maybe im just growing and life feels flatter but its better than a year ago where i only had in mind suicide. idk man i feel honestly fine and this is so annoying because i felt like i hade so much more strength and knowledge when i was depressed and empty. i draw sometimes, so i still got my hobby but im just not sensitive for any bad small thing, nor i cry anymore. maybe im just lazy to grow up and have responsibilities