Relationship is in the gutter. How do I start this conversation?

My relationship has honestly been taking a nose dive since having kids. I’m not blaming my children at all, I love them to pieces.

I left work to stay at home with my daughter when she as 7 months old. I was working from (my husband does still) and partially relying on my MIL to watch our baby when I needed to work. It just wasn’t working out because she would just let her scream and cry and over feed her and waste any milk I pumped. I was terrified is SIDS and she would try to put her to sleep in the most unsafe ways. I willingly got laid off from work when my project ended and I never applied for a new position. My husband said he didn’t want to be as hands on with childcare and domestic tasks and wanted to focus on finding more work at the time.

Side note: Before kids everything was 50/50. We did everything as a team except I handled breakfast and lunches while he cooked dinners. If I could go back to 2019 I would because we were just in such a good place.

Since then I’ve been doing everything. He just works. And lately I’ve really been dropping the ball on everything. We have two toddlers now and my 3 year old does everything in her power to destroy and my 1 year old just clings onto my feet and cries when I do something. I can honestly only take that for so long before I just give up and take them somewhere.

These past three years he’s just thought of me as controlling, unkind and combative. I don’t know what to do. He’s made it clear he’s too busy with work to put an ounce of effort into our relationship and said “if I want to do something with him need to plan it all out”. It seems like whatever comes out of my mouth is taken literally and I can’t even make jokes like we used to. We’ve bickered all weekend. He gets to sleep in every weekend and takes an hour to wake up. I just get up and go. If I could I would just medicate myself into a robot. I’m too tired to be angry, too dehydrated to cry and I just want to hide.