Too Bitter To Housesit

I want to preface this issue by stating that I (30s) am just now starting to remember and process parts of my childhood and believe my parents may have been abusive. There is one issue lately that I just need another perspective on, but it feels like a really petty, silly issue, so please forgive me.

My parents never took me on vacation as a kid or later as a young adult. They went on plenty by themselves, but always said they couldn’t afford to take me, or would take me next time, etc. Now that I’m older and could afford to pay for myself, I have tried to make plans with them, but it somehow still never happens. I am also able to see now that a lot of the things they bought for themselves but not me because they “couldn’t afford it” were things they actually could have afforded and I’ll never understand why they would always just buy things for only themselves in front of me.

I feel very spoiled bratish to feel entitled to family vacations or something. But it’s never really been about entitlement I feel like, but like the act of making memories, going somewhere new together, having those moments as a family that I watched other people in my life have with theirs. And this behavior of my parents focusing more on their own relationship and never including me was a constant throughout all facets of our relationship, so maybe that’s why it hurts my feelings so much?

ANYWAYS HERE’S MY DILEMA : I’m an adult now and have told my parents how I feel and that I would love to be included sometime, how it hurt growing up never being included, but alas no invites yet. I tried to plan something last year to a specific place and it fell through because everyone acted disinterested. Now this year they are asking me for the millionth time to house sit for them yet again while they go on vacation to the place I tried to get everyone to go to last year, and during my birthday month. They also missed my birthday last year.

I am going to tell them no to house sitting but why does it make me feel like a bad daughter, like I’m being petty or somehow not doing this for them out of anger will come to bite me later? I feel like I’m really angry about something that’s stupid and that I shouldn’t be “allowed” to be angry for or something.

I don’t know if any of that made sense or just sounds like a spoiled ridiculous whatever but thanks if you made it all the way through and understand even a little of what I’m trying to say 🙃