My Father Expired 2 years ago but I am still not able to process the feelings.

Hi guys , I just need some genuine advice because I have become emotionally numb since I have lost him. I though it ll get better in the beginning but it's been 2 years and I still get some flashbacks regarding him. I am not able to feel anything and If I do it is in excess. Plus I have really gotten addicted to Porn and masturbation . i don't know how solve this numbness , and I am not that rich to afford a therapist.