I've been pretending to go to work for 3 weeks because I'm too ashamed to tell anyone I got fired

I don't know why I'm writing this except that I can't keep living this lie and I have nowhere else to turn.

Three weeks ago I got fired from my job at an insurance company. It wasn't for anything dramatic - basically I'd been struggling with depression and my performance had been slipping. I was missing deadlines, making mistakes, calling in sick too much. My manager gave me a warning in February but I couldn't seem to get it together.

The day they let me go, I came home and just... couldn't bring myself to tell my wife Sarah. She was excited about the vacation we'd been planning and stressed about her own job, and I just couldn't add this to her plate.

So I lied. I said everything was fine.

For three weeks now I've been getting up every morning, putting on my work clothes, and leaving the house like I'm going to the office. Instead I sit in coffee shops, walk around the mall, or just drive around town. I come home at my normal time and pretend I had a regular day.

I've been applying for jobs on my phone but the market is terrible right now. I'm burning through our savings to keep up with my usual contributions to household expenses. Sarah has no idea.

The worst part is how easy the lying has become. She asks about my day and I make up meetings and conversations. I even complained about my "coworker" Dave last week when she asked why I seemed stressed.

I know this is insane. I know I need to tell her. But every day it gets harder because now it's not just "I lost my job" it's "I lost my job and have been lying to you for weeks."

I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know how to get out of this hole I've dug.