Reflecting on a random past experience where I cheated and could have paid the priced for it

Just something you freaks might find hot :) Kinda personal so scroll on if you’re just looking for straight smut

Taking chops in the back of a childhood friend’s van (tobacco + weed). We had recently reconnected and there was a lot of tension. We liked each other growing up, but we never seemed to link up at the right time. He was a skinny tall shy blonde hippie stoner type guy with rich parents. Until the winter break before he went off to college. We were hanging out in the back of his converted van one rainy night and he got me so high. Tobacco and weed makes you so dizzy. I remember telling him to kiss me, I felt like I was going to faint. I could feel my whole body getting lighter and weaker. We were making out so hard I could barely catch my breath. The rain kept hitting the metal roof harder. Little detail but I kiiiiiind of had a on/off boyfriend at the time. And he keeps whispering to me “Do you like this? Do you like this better?”

There was a mattress in the van, it was one of those converted builds. We roll onto it, still buzzing from the drugs, making out heavy. I put his hand around my throat and looked up at him pleadingly. I was definitely more experienced than him, he didn’t know what I meant at first.

Doing “breath play” with an inexperienced 19 year old is a super dumb decision, it turns out. I really like getting choked. Like too much. And he must have liked it too because he’s on top of me, fucking me until he hits the back of me, with both hands around my neck. And in my head I know it’s getting risky, the pressure in my temples is building, that dizzy feeling is getting stronger. But it feels too good to stop. So we don’t stop. He chokes me until I literally pass out with his dick in me.

Have you ever passed out? When you come to, it’s like pins and needles throughout your whole body. The world swims back into focus like you’re coming back from another lifetime. He stopped, worried about what he’d done. “Are you okay? Are you okay?” Man, he was so sweet.

I remember smiling at him, still catching my breath and telling him to do it again. My little boyfriend never fucked me like that.

God, I’m so fucked up.