You lying

Every time we talk, it’s always “We can’t be together.” “We can’t have sex.” “We can’t talk.” “We can’t meet.” Ok, I get it. Then why are you still texting me? Just to reject me? You are just telling yourself that you are not good enough to have all these, it’s too good for you to have it, so you sabotaged what we had, you sabotaged it when we were at the happiest times. You keep lying to yourself, you hurt yourself, and me.

You say those things, but you still reach out, still want to hear how I feel, you want reassurance from me. You ask “Why do you care about me?”, “You just want sex.” Oh you know it all, don’t you already by now?I’m scared too. Every time I open up, you push me away, so no, I’m not saying it.

We both know what’s between us. You’re stressed, scared, depressed… and the way you show love is all backwards. I once showed my friend our convo, and they thought it was normal, but I knew something was off, and I was so right. When you act “normal,” that’s actually abnormal for you.

So yeah, when you’re acting “angry at me”, “rejecting me”, being cool, that’s your way of saying “I miss you.” I hear it. I feel it. I miss you too.

I hope you get better, let your walls down, stop hiding your feelings, and stop running from love. I know you think you’re too broken to be worthy of love. You don’t believe I love you. You don’t believe you’re lovable. But I do love you. I’m sorry that I can’t say it to you right now. I’m just waiting for you to say it first.