I just wanna know why

I posted about this issue I've been having I think 2 years ago on a different sub and nothing has changed. I will try to explain this as best as I can please bear with me.

I have a problem that is basically whenever I wanna eat alone I just feel so bad for myself to the point where I would start tearing up mid munch and I have no idea why I just feel miserable. It's like if I see myself from a 3rd person view or a cinematic point of view I feel so bad and if I was a random person looking at myself I would also feel bad too. It started when I turned 15 and now I'm basically 17 and I really just wanna know what can be the reason and how do I feel better about myself eating alone.

Hope this explanation serves me well because my meals haven't Imma tell you that. I don't have any eating disorders and I am not diagnosed with any mental illnesses as I never went to a psychiatrist. Thank you so much for reading.