My dad ignored me on my birthday over a dentist appointment

So yesterday was my birthday and I just turned 19. I usually look down on my birthdays and don't expect much because they never actually make me feel special, they just seem like a chore that my parents don't want to do every year. They don't decorate, throw a party, SOME years they buy balloons- they just buy me a cake and give me a rushed happy birthday song then go to bed. My dad will give birthday money, albeit a good amount, but it's because he makes no effort to pay attention to me, my interests, and things I'm actually interested in. This year however, went a completely different way.

A few weeks ago I told my dad how I had been feeling and confessed to him that I think our family is broken and that I would've traded the world to have an actual relationship with him. I brought up multiple things he's done to me in the past and he basically understood it as "she's a female so she's sensitive" and told me to let the past go because we would start working on it. Just a few days ago, my mom scheduled a dentist appointment for my 14 year old brother and I and told me to take him with me. My brother knew about this appointment, the day, and the time. In fact, he texted me the night before about it. On the morning of the appointment, I took a shower, brushed my teeth, fixed my hair and outfit to get ready. I go upstairs about 10 minutes before 12 (the time scheduled) to check on my brother to see if he was ready to go. I opened the door to see him still curled up in bed, and not having the energy to even bother myself with him, I closed the door and drove to my appointment by myself. I told my dad it wasn't my responsibility to wake my 14 year old brother up for his appointments. Apparently, he didn't take that very well.

Since that day, he hasn't said a word to me or acknowledged my existence whatsoever. I don't really care because I don't want anything to do with him anyway, but I only cared because I'm secretly hanging out with my long distance boyfriend who's visiting me for my birthday week. Despite being 19 years old, he doesn't approve of me having a boyfriend because he thinks he's a distraction to me focusing on my education (we've been together for 4 years, I graduated HS with a 3.4 GPA and currently have a 3.3 cumulative in uni) but whatever. My boyfriend knows how much my birthday makes me sad, so he went out of his way to make it special.

My dad on the other hand, did not do anything. He was home all day long. He watched me leave the house. He didn't say hi to me. He didn't buy me balloons, a cake, candles, a gift, send me money, nothing. He didn't say happy birthday, didn't even text it to me. I came home to no food in the house, no cake, or some type of acknowledgement that he gave even 0.002 of a shit. Nothing. I learned from my brother, however, that the reason dad isn't talking to me isn't because he suspects that I'm with my boyfriend but over that dentist appointment. He viewed it as disrespectful.

I used to think that maybe he does love me, but just shows it in a different way because he's old and African. But if the only way he expresses how much he "loves" me is in the form of money, why does he take his "love" away when I don't behave the way he wants me to? Why is he the only person in my life where I have to constantly convince myself he loves me? Is it really love?