Overly involved MIL

We live in a culture where when there is a new born, the woman's MIL helps for some time. But the woman usually lives with the man's family. At first the help was very much welcome and we agreed to letting her help. Nannies/caregivers are also affordable here in south east asia.

This was supposed to be a temporary thing as we were searching for a nanny but it was hard to find one. MIL promised to lend us a nanny and repeated this for months up to birth. When her initial promise was to hire and train a nanny in her house for 3-4 months before.

Now leading up to the due date i started to notice that she would hijack OB appointments with story telling and side stories that are unrelated to our concerns. Which I felt was a waste of time and taking away from the consultation we need. The type to spend some time saying that back in their day it was X.
My wife requested for her to come on delivery day and the labor room waiting time turned into a life story of her pregnancies. I often feel these things are unrelated as it was a different time and she did not breastfeed.

But eventually baby came in and when he got to 15 days old she was continually overstaying almost everyday, running 12 hour shifts (she goes home) to help to make sure her daughter is able to get some sleep. Very well meaning intentions to help her daughter but I felt my wife did not get as much sleep as she should because of all the talking in between but said she felt rested with the help of her mom.

Now backtrack through day 1-14. What started to bother me was the MIL was continuing to make suggestions, although she was not pushy, they were many suggestions like the arrangement of the room, or side comments about extra things we need which were honestly not urgent or necessary. Eventually I felt like I was left out of the discussion with my wife talking to MIL about these things, I'm assuming because of all her suggestions and do you neeed XYZ without letting me know.

Because of her list of things to buy (we had all the essentials ready) she recruited her son to buy many small things. My wife said many were unnecessary, and would break down from the wrong things being bought, an example is that she insisted on using the diaper brand my wife did not like. Then behind her MIL would say things like "as if she paid for it, i can donate this". Then MIL would complain about how tired son is when she made him buy them, and said my wife told the son to buy, when i could see MIL tell him to buy things.. I insisted to order them online instead to stop this

Eventually I noticed that she kept telling me that the baby is too cold when I believed it was too hot. Multiple times a day she would pass by saying baby is cold. Baby is also usually shivering because of her forcing daily baths because that's what MIL's old pedia said. We are in a tropical country where 25-26degrees is the suggested temperature. She would insist on 29 degrees plus because it was how it was in her time. I was worried about baby sweating and overheating.

Day 14 she bathed baby in baby safe dish soap by accident. She took charge of baths even when i was not comfy bathing everyday. She also started to "delay feeding" for baby so my wife could sleep. She managed to convince my wife that "she was delaying feeding" for her sake and that baby is overfeeding. Wife did manage to sleep more but then I would witness baby crying throughout being "delayed" She just keeps saying "baby is so fussy today" these "fussy" times coincided with the days she delayed the most.

Then on the 15th day she started suggesting baby was overfeeding from breastfeeding when we were told feed on demand and that is why she is delaying it. Doctors orders were feed on demand, and from what i know it is difficult to overfeed from breastfeeding.

Day 15 I see baby cry and she insists to me it's only been an hour and that baby is overfeeding but she insists don't feed. I talk to my wife and she breaks down saying only her mom helps her so I should listen to her. Eventually MIL and my mom walk in on us and get involved. (there was a gathering that day).

They nag me about the feeding being 2-3 hours (This is closer to formula milk guidelines, as both parents were using formula) when i truly believed baby was hungry. We fed baby and they left me with the baby for an hour. MIL comes back after an hour to baby crying telling me see what I did and i made her gassy.

Babies cluster feed in smaller intervals from time to time but she believed it was up until 1 week only, which was entirely wrong. So we are in the heat of the moment then she starts telling me things like "you search feeding is only 2-3 hours according to webmd". Then minutes later she would say things like "ask doctors, don't believe the internet."

We get into it and bring up the temperature issue again. I have very many recent parent friends who have said their pedia recommends 25-26 degrees for babies. I bring that up, and she says that is "just heresay, dont believe them" So google is valid for her but when we get info from a doctor it's heresay. I also have crib thermometer to have clearer picture of actual room temperature. And I do notice baby sweat.

Anyway fight breaks everyone agrees that if we don't agree ask a doctor.

Later that night she also started to call the baby colic because baby is so fussy. I do not find baby fussy at night when it is our turn to watch her. She then insisted colic is a gassy baby. My mom asked MIL who diagnosed that baby is colic, MIL says "me" confidently, "i know what colic is". My dad is also a doctor mind you and we have her diagnosing. I insisted you cant call an episode of gas a colic baby as it implies that we will have to deal with a wailing baby for months and that there is a negative condition, and that would make us worry. MIL quotes another medical website. Wife stops her and disagrees. MIL says something to the extent of "whatever".

Now to add to that the entire time my family was searching relentlessly for a nanny to hire. We were able to get a more expensive midwife (x3 the price) which lasted for a day because they did not approve of her, although I agreed. My family did not ask for any sponsorship. Just asking for help.

In the middle of the fight on Day 15 MIL in anger said her salary and time is so expensive to me as an FYI. And that she already told me that they are willing to sponsor a midwife but put no effort into searching for one. Even saying that they are willing to pay the nanny they would lend double if they could.
Which they didn't? They've been dangling that nanny for almost 6 months now saying they will slowly talk to her. We seriously don't need her sponsorship though. It was like a wow moment of seriously are pricing things in as if we aren't the ones searching? As if we were asking for a dole out before we'd move?

Now Day 17 MIL doesnt come in because she is busy and my wife says she has so much anxiety not having her MIL around. MIL sent the borrowed nanny though, this nanny was promised to be our temporary reliever if we could not find one. But instead she was sending herself most times to help.

Also MIL tries to take all of babies laundry to her house including my wife's. My wife after that fight reached the point of thinking she should just move back home because no one is helping. We do have help. My mom prepares all her food so she does not have to think about it and we have help who she is free to ask.

This whole period I also cannot stay in our room so much and me and my wife are never alone anymore. Because of MIL and her nanny assistant.

Just sharing short stories to get the general temperament. As to why I imploded. It feels like she wants to be heavily involved? And even if she does intent to help her daughter. Her solution seems to be to use herself in what seems to be a parasitical relationship to stay in the picture? I mean if she really intended to help she would just listen to how we'd want to do it. To me it almost feels like an artificial need created like some sort of high jacking by making my wife too dependent on her.

The day MIL does not come in my wife starts wondering if some of the things MIL did were wrong..

AITA for thinking that this is emotional hijacking? sort of creating a need for herself rather than solving issues and letting us grow. If believe if she really wanted to help she would have just helped my family look for help while maintaining boundaries.. AITA for all these thoughts?