Just a vent

I guess I just need to get this off my chest and don’t have anywhere else to go, I mean I have my journal but I guess I just want something different? I don’t even know where to start I guess I just hate my mom. She makes me feel like the smallest, most insignificant, insecure person and like I can never do anything right. I’m always just some lazy loser that owes her cause she got knocked up with me at 20 and I ‘ruined her body and life’ and ‘she gave everything up for me so I owe her’. If I dont don’t do something I’m just like my piece of shit dad and I can go find him and live with him. Even tho she stresses constantly how he never wanted me. She demands I do things for her and if I don’t she’ll hold money and other things I need over my head until I do it. Even in my relationship she makes me feel so small, always saying he wants me for sex and he’ll leave as soon as he gets it, how no man is loyal and he’s out with other women, how no man wants a lazy girl with no goals or life even tho I’m in schooling. Got mad at me for needing to go on meds to help cope with my anxiety and how I don’t need that shit and don’t let my bf know cause he’ll leave me as soon as he finds out how screwed up I am and how much baggage I have. I’ve felt so bad for him with her words stuck in my head that I wanted to leave him so he wouldn’t have to put up with me. I just feel like the biggest useless burden. It’s her way or no way, she’s always right I’m always wrong and if I’m right I’m just some snobby self centred b”t”h. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am some snobby, entitled, self centred b”tch, I don’t know. I just hate how she makes me feel so worthless and makes me feel like my emotions are dramatic, but f”ck if I know maybe I am. Thanks for reading if you even got this far and I’m sorry. I just can’t take crying myself to sleep anymore and needed to get this off my chest before I explode